Dean Dayton was best known to many as owner and operator of the Blue Lite gay bar in downtown Sheboygan. To others he was best known for his work with Rainbow Over Wisconsin (ROW), the LGBTQ activist organization in northeast Wisconsin.

His life was well summarized in the article "Remembering Dean Dayton" written by Mike Fitzpatrick and David Paul Black, and published in Quest magazine (Quest vol. 221-11, Nov. 2014) after his death:

The initial news was simple enough: long-time Sheboygan gay businessman Dean Dayton passed away at his home on October 2 at age 62 following a brief illness. However, finding the words to encapsulate Dean's life and legacy is not such a simple task: bar owner, promoter, community activist, caregiver, mentor, friend. Dean certainly would have resisted being called just any one of these except perhaps for the last one — friend.

To return briefly to the basics of Dean's life, he was born in 1952 in Shawano, WI. He was the only son of the late Daniel A. and Elvira ("Vera") Lorge Dayton. He graduated from Port Washington High School and continued his studies at the University of Wisconsin — Eau Claire. Dean moved to New York and lived with friend and former partner Daniel "Deno" Elmergreen for eight years until he came to Sheboygan to take care of his mother. He owned and operated the city's iconic gay bar The Blue Lite for 22 years, with the help of long time friend David Paul Black.

The Blue Lite wasn't just "any old gay bar," according to Black. "Dean wanted to make the bar a home-like atmosphere, as if you entered someone's living room," he said. "Instead of neon beer signs and football schedules, the bar was decorated with mirrors, lamps, framed art and statuary. The lighting was soft and largely recessed." There were a few nods to traditional bar fixtures: a pool table could be found in a carpeted area in back as well as tasteful wooden wall racks to display gay publications and brochures. A dance area developed over the years that eventually included both discotheque and show lighting. But to learn about special events for many years, patrons would have to visit the rest rooms. That's where Dean posted promotional posters.

Those special events were very special, Black recalled. "Decorations for the Blue Lite's holiday shows- especially those for Halloween, Christmas and New Year's- were spectacular," he said. "Party favors were aplenty. The party buffets offered dozens of choices and people ate off of fine china with real silverware-- no paper plates or plastic forks!"

Central to many of the parties were Dean's costumes. "It took some doing at first, but I got Dean to dress as Santa for the Christmas shows," Black said. "Among Dean's more memorable Halloween moments were the years he dressed up as a purple wizard, a French maid, his drag friend Honita and the Pope."

Dean also was a promoter of male and female impersonation. For eight years the Blue Lite sponsored the Mr.- Miss Lakeshore USofA titles. The Blue Lite also hosted a number of benefit events for LGBT organizations such as ARCW and Rainbow Over Wisconsin.

Dean's legacy as a community activist is best exemplified by his years of leadership and service with Rainbow Over Wisconsin (ROW), the northeast Wisconsin LGBT-missioned community foundation. Dean helped co-found the not-for profit in 1996 and served as the group's President for longer than anyone else in its history to date.

For years the ROW's signature event was the annual gay pride picnic held at various locations in northeast Wisconsin. Dean helped transition ROW to a more traditional foundation in the decade that followed, though the group later evolved back into the pride business with the current annual Pride Alive celebration. Much to the original Pride Alive organizer's dismay, Dean continued to call the event "a picnic."

According to Black, Dean's leadership role in ROW was as a centering influence. "Dean would tell it like it was, cutting through the occasional back room drama and discord at ROW board meetings when different factions couldn't reach consensus," he said. "He would let everyone have their chance to speak, but if people could not agree on their own, he would say 'Well, this is what I think,' lay out the argument and people would just basically end up agreeing."

Dean's centering influence most likely developed as a result of his years of caring for his mother, especially following Vera's 1998 stroke. Visiting "mother" at least twice daily was a part of Dean's schedule until her passing earlier this year. "Dean promised his mother that she would be able to live on her own to the very last," Black-- who also assisted with Vera's care-- noted. "As she became more frail, staying in her own home became very challenging but he kept the promise. I think Dean's personal dislike of doctors and the medical system and his own decision to avoid involving himself with it came in part from helping his mother navigate her way through the health care system over the years."

That level of caring and commitment also led to Dean's role as a mentor in the Sheboygan gay community, Black explained. "Dean made it known that his bar was open to everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, skin color or whatever. Black, white, gay, straight or questioning, you were welcome at the Blue Lite," he said. "A lot of people took their first steps out of the closet there and shared their hopes and fears to Dean. He was there for them, not in an exploitative way, but as friend and confidant."

One of Dean's proteges is Jonathan Meins, who also was Dayton's roommate for the last year. "I had no one and no place to stay when I met Dean," Meins told the hundreds of mourners who in some cases had traveled over a thousand miles to attend Dayton's Celebration of Life services at the Olsen Funeral Home October 7. "I owe my life to him."

Black and Meins took care of Dayton in his final weeks from what is believed to have been possible advanced lung cancer, although lung failure was subsequently determined to be the immediate cause of death. Dayton had been in declining health since last winter.

Dayton and Black decided the best thing to do, since Black has some leg disabilities, was to give the bar to Meins with Black's guidance. Meins will continue to manage the day-to-day operations at The Blue Lite with Black's volunteer assistance during and after the probate process permits transfer of the business ownership to Meins in full. "Dean always wanted the bar to continue after he passed away, so that's what we're going to do-- keep it running," Black told Sheboygan Press reporter Kali Thiel for a front page article on Dean's passing on October 5.

The article characterized Dayton as a "congenial and kind-hearted friend." That is a most appropriate epitaph for the many who enjoyed and cherished him in life and who will miss his jovial and vivid presence in their lives for years to come.

More information and especially photos of Dean Dayton are welcomed.